Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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