we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
