so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
