he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
