I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Two words: blizzard sex
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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