is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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