I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
