Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
