dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
