I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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