im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
