I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
