Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
