That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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