My brain says no but my pants say off.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
