It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
