Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
