I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
