I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize