sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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