Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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