I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
