All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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