Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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