My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
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