Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
