Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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