Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
