how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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