Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
