I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
