I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
