I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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