I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
