So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
