i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
