So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
