Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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