Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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