i just wanna soil my oats bro
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
