I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
