I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
