from now on my penis is your penis
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
