When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I need to calm my uterus...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
