We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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