You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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