Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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