Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
