U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
