i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
