its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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