I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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