How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
