Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
