Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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