I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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