I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize