girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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