A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
