so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
