We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
