I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
