I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
