He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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