I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You can't motorboat a personality
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
