he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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