Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
