after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize