oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
