Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
