I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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