i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Randomize
