I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
