I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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