Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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