put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
