Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize