is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize