Where are you?
In a non slutty way
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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