he shaved USA in his pubs
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you had me at cake vodka
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
