these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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