I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
