I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Mom said you looked used
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
