its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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