And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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