in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
