Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
