im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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