I wanna bring you to show and tell
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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