he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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