The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
