This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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