just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
