No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
