I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
