we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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