And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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