Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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