Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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