my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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