The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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