this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
