Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
